those dating app things

Just a silly post for today because I was chatting to my friend about Tinder, Bumble and all that jazz and we had a good giggle about *those lines* that crop up again and again (and again).  There ain’t no predictable quite like Tinder, I tell you.  Could definitely turn swiping into some kind of bingo/drinking game hybrid.  Needless to say, tongue is firmly in my cheek for this one!

— ‘You can wear your tallest heels with me because I’m 6’1’.  OK so 6’1 is taller than average, fair play, but many girls are gonna be pushing 6 foot in their tallest heels anyway.  (Most girls aren’t wimps like me who can’t handle higher than 3 inch heels for a night, basically).  Bragging like you’re Goliath just makes you look a bit daft.

— ‘Here for a good time, not a long time’.  No worries pal, I’ll not keep you waiting!  *Swipes left*

— You can pet my dog / if you don’t like my dog we can’t be friends / dogs are life or words to that effect. We get it, you love your pup.  Afraid a cute doggo doesn’t *quite* make you 10x more attractive, sorry!

— ‘Pop up, I don’t bite’. Oh bloody hell, really?!? Thought you’d snap my head off if I said hey!

— On the topic of ‘hey’… one liners saying ‘Hey‘, and nothing more.  Way to kick an interesting conversation off.

— Dog filters, flower filters, ALL the Snapchat filters.   A male friend of mine couldn’t believe that any guy would use filters and thought it was a bad habit of women only.  Sadly not!  Just whyyyy?  Does any guy actually think they look better with a puppy nose or flowers around their head?  Or am I just weird that the filters don’t do it for me?

— Photos showing half their face.  And more photos of the same half of the face.  For some reason we’re not allowed to see the other side or y’know, the whole person, and have to decide based on a left cheek and eye only.  Nahh.

— ‘If you want to know about me, just ask’ – well OK Jeremy you’re not giving me much to work with from 2 half-faced photos and a ‘oh-so-mysterious’ bio are you? Ta ra.

— ‘The baby isn’t mine – it’s my second cousin’s best friend’s nephew that I borrowed for a pic in an attempt to get those ovaries going’ – OK so probably not those words exactly, but near enough.  They hear that girls like men with babies, so every man runs to grab a baby.  Hmm.

— GIFs instead of words.  Joey Tribbiani saying ‘How you doin’, nobody will have ever thought of that one before!  *Rolls eyes*

— 6 group photos and none on their own.  I’m guessing some guys just like to challenge girls to a game of spot the difference to keep them on their toes.  Or more accurately, make girls flick through 3 times looking for the common factor before thinking sod it and moving on.

Nothing truly awful and I’m sure there are far worse things to be found in the world of dating apps, but guys thinking they’re being original… deary me.  Think of some new ones guys then don’t use your profiles for giggles.  Also, I’m well aware us girls probably do equally irritating things so please fire away and tell me.  I’m intrigued!

Lily Kate x

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