Like every blogger, once in a while I check what google searches have brought people to my site. It’s always been a source of amusement that ‘cute young couple’ cropped up again and again in my referrals list. But not this week. In the interests of keeping it real on here, I thought it best to say now that Dan and I broke up this week. It’s not been the best of times, hence the less-chatty-than-usual blog posts over the last few days.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. ‘You’re only 16’… ‘plenty more fish’ and all that. You’d be right of course. I wasn’t silly enough to think that it was gonna last forever, but I suppose that when you’ve been with somebody for well over a year, they become involved in every bit of your life. We had a lot of fun together – holidays, cute day trips, and just generally ‘being’ – people-watching was one of our favourite activities. We liked the silly stuff best. 🙂
So, why then? I don’t think many of my school friends read this blog but if there’s any speculation, I can address it here. Dan turning 18 and the liberty this brought? Him gearing up for ‘the university lifestyle’? Me not really having a part in his future? I can dress it up however I like, but when it comes down to it, I guess I just wasn’t ‘hot’ enough for him.
This isn’t a ‘take pity on me’ post; just wanted to be genuine since he’s no stranger to you guys. I’m glad he was in my life, sad that he no longer is, but am absolutely not gonna let this drag me under. Got an important few months ahead of me school-wise and some great friends and family. I can always rely on you guys to put a smile on my face, of course! Onwards and upwards, ey?
lily kate x
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28 Comments
Miriam
7th April 2014 at 1:39 pmI am sending virtual hugs and cups of tea! I hope you are okay, and it is good to see that you are being optimistic about the situation!
XO, Miriam
lily
9th April 2014 at 8:44 pmAh you know the way to my heart! Thank you so much 😀 Being optimistic seems the best way forward really!
Nichole
7th April 2014 at 2:00 pmI’m sorry for your break up<3 I know you said it's not pitty post but it is still not easy. Your attitude about it though is better then I think most people I know in a break up situation. Keep your head up girl.
lily
9th April 2014 at 8:53 pmThanks Nichole! Really helps to know I have people like you to leave lovely uplifting comments and support 😀
Naomi
7th April 2014 at 4:02 pmLots of love for you lily. I know the pain of break ups all too well, having had my heart broken once in sixth form and again last year. Your friends and family are what you need right now and you are strong enough to see this through. Keep doing what you do because you’re fab and will be an even better person without him xxx
lily
9th April 2014 at 8:58 pmThank you Naomi! It happens to the best of us I guess – I’m sure it’ll happen to me again too! I’m really lucky that my friends and family have been great 😀
Clothilde
7th April 2014 at 5:17 pmAw dear, it really brokes my heart to see (or rather read) you in such pain!
This might not help at all, but let me just tell you that time will help. I know how hard it must be, I’ve been through this myself as well, but if you don’t try to forget or think excessively about it, time will help you healing. Perhaps you should try that meditation trick: letting thoughts pass by. Don’t push them back, don’t overthink, just let things go. I read you enough to know you aren’t the kind of person to lose herself, I know you will get you through it. But allow yourself some time to be sad as well, it’s important.
It was a part of your life, something you considered as important; but you will get stronger when you overcome this.
Oh and just one thing: you were NOT not hot enough for him. Never blame yourself about this fact! You both had your reasons for this to end up, but don’t forget that sometimes it’s just nobody’s fault.
I am sorry if my words are clumsy, but I hope it can help you healing a little bit though. If you ever need to talk or anything, don’t hesitate to email me, even though we don’t actually know each other.
You will get through this, I promise. Be strong–I’m sure you are!
Love,
Clothilde.
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:04 pmThank you so much Clothilde! I’m feeling lots better now and have plenty to keep me occupied so I’m not doing too bad! Meditation and taking time just to think is actually a really good idea; I’m using these Easter holidays as an opportunity to slow down a little so maybe now’s the best time for that 🙂 Thanks again so much, really means a lot!
Chloe
7th April 2014 at 5:32 pmAw Lily! I’m so sorry. Break ups almost always suck, especially when you’re not quite ready for the fun to be over. As someone who just went through an extremely dramatic and heart breaking dumping, I can absolutely relate right now. I would try to not be too hard on yourself. It’s easy to judge yourself harshly when someone that you were crazy about & respected no longer has interest in you. If he is looking for someone older or “hotter” or whatever it is, then it’s his loss, not yours. One day he’ll find himself wanting someone down to earth, humble, and true to themselves, not some flashy young college thing. Blogging is always a good outlet, at least for me, when my life is trying. It’s good to know that, besides your virtual community, you have your family & friends there, too. Keep moving forward and remember that you’re too good for him (and probably most guys)! xx
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:16 pmI remembered reading your post a little while back and after re-reading it now, it sounds like we’ve been in very similar situations! Best of luck to him in the future I guess, whatever he decides to do, and I’ll just wait and see where I end up! Blogging does always feel like a really positive atmosphere and it’s lovely to know I have such supportive mini community like you behind me, thank you so much!
Celeste
7th April 2014 at 8:34 pmHey sweetie, I’ve been reading this blog silently for forever and a day, and it has been such a treat to watch you take up the gauntlet. And now it’s time for me to finally say something.
You are truly one of the most remarkable young ladies that I have ever had the privilege to come across. There will be many sad and depressing times in life where pain is overwhelming. But for every one of those moments there are a thousand more joys, if only you look for them. And I believe you already do.
Expectations can be tricky things. They come in both good and bad forms from ourselves as well as others. You just have to reason through them to see which are beneficial. Someone who truly loves you will want to build you up and encourage you, but never try to change you or tell you who you are.
The sun continues to rise, the wind continues to blow…take a deep breath and soak up the sunshine. This too shall pass, and you’ll come out the stronger and wiser.
Hugs,C
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:21 pmHi Celeste,
It’s really nice to hear from long-time readers that have stuck around! The fact that we’d had so many good times together made it harder but I’m managing OK for now, I’m sure there’ll definitely be times when I miss him like crazy though! You really do have a way with words and have definitely put a smile on my face; thank you so so much!
Chelsea
7th April 2014 at 9:24 pmI’ve read your blog for a few years now, and although we’ve never met (I live in Canada) I always thought you were pretty cool. I say you go girl! You seem like a strong woman, you only have better things in front of you and I’m excited to see where you go next!
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:23 pmHello to Canada! I love that I have readers from all over the world 😀 Thank you so much; I’ll be sure to share wherever I go next on here!
Jen
8th April 2014 at 2:34 pmHow crazy is this news, because my even younger niece (by two years) broke up with her boyfriend (long 6 months they were together) She is the one who models on my blog, and who is starring at the moment modelling my latest design. Now Lily, don’t let me sound overbearing, but it has nothing to do with being hot, and you (and my niece) could not be more beautiful than you already are. Why do girls & women (including myself, ah yes, even me, even still) preoccupy our brilliant minds with nonsense like ‘we’re not pretty enough’. Its insane. My last words are, you (and Dan) are both terrific people, but you are right, pivotal places in life works against secure boyfriend relationships, and you’ll be better off, much better off for the split, for what is ahead of you. Never indulge again in the most self-destructive though about you not being ‘enough’ (of anything), as likely it is the very opposite. Here’s a hug from me from California. xo
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:31 pmIt’s a common teenage occurence I guess! Your niece looks really cute, hope she’s doing ok! Timing is a major thing really, especially when we’re not quite the same age, so maybe it was inevitable, who knows. Thank you so much for your support, big hugs back to California from England!
Jen
8th April 2014 at 2:34 pmHow crazy is this news, because my even younger niece (by two years) broke up with her boyfriend (long 6 months they were together) this week. She is the one who models on my blog, and who is starring at the moment modelling my latest design. Now Lily, don’t let me sound overbearing, but it has nothing to do with being hot, and you (and my niece) could not be more beautiful than you already are. Why do girls & women (including myself, ah yes, even me, even still) preoccupy our brilliant minds with nonsense like ‘we’re not pretty enough’. Its insane. My last words are, you (and Dan) are both terrific people, but you are right, pivotal places in life works against secure boyfriend relationships, and you’ll be better off, much better off for the split, for what is ahead of you. Never indulge again in the most self-destructive though about you not being ‘enough’ (of anything), as likely it is the very opposite. Here’s a hug from me from California. xo
Max
8th April 2014 at 4:00 pmI am so sorry, Lily. I liked reading your thoughts on why it happened. I hear you. It rather sucks. But you’re not going to let it drag you down. Moving on, I guess. You can probably tell us more how you feel as you go through it. It was nice to hear about your adventures together while you were together. Some ups and downs and finding out some more about yourself. You do have a lot to look forward to and more fish in the sea! And to add my voice to the comments above, I would say rather Too Hot than not enough. Who knows what hot means though? Or rather what does one really want in another? And when is the right time?
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:36 pmThank you Max! There are lots of questions unanswered, I just thought it best to be honest on the blog! I’ve probably still got lots left to find out about myself and different people and friends to do so with 🙂 I’ll still share plenty of adventures on the blog, so watch this space!
Abi
8th April 2014 at 10:36 pmBig hugs, sweet. You’re an amazing person, all the more so because you’re taking this so sensibly. Lily, you’re absolutely always ‘pre-approved’ in my book, no matter what you say or do, or how you look. (And might I mention you’re beautiful?) Keep on. All the best of wishes from over the pond.
-Abi
lily
9th April 2014 at 9:39 pmAw thank you Abi! Puts such a big smile on my face to hear things like this from people like you:’) Being sensible about the matter seems the best way forward to still have fun:)
Lucy
11th April 2014 at 2:03 amHard to understand how you could be not-hot-enough for anyone, when you are tall, slim, well-proportioned in both face and body, and beautiful.
Sometimes people just want a change, sometimes people have an obsession with a type they feel they must have, and sometimes people will trade in a hot person in normal clothes for a hot person in fewer clothes without realising they’re being fooled by the presentation.
But I suspect that this breakup, like many breakups, is more complicated than looks. I don’t know if he told you it was an appearance thing because he didn’t want to talk about the real reasons, or if you just thought it must be an appearance thing because you were unable to think of any other reason and having a moment of insecurity (breakups usually cause insecurity!) but you don’t have anything to worry about on the looks front.
There are so many things apart from looks that can make or break a relationship; looks may often be responsible for the initiation of a love affair, but it’s the other stuff that keeps it going, including a commitment to trying to keep things fresh with someone when the sexual novelty factor wears off, which it always does, even if you look like Scarlett Johansson.
Don’t go down the “I’m not hot enough” road if possible, too many of us women think that the success of our relationships and lives is dependent on only that factor, when it’s often more complex than that; if you concentrate on your looks alone, you risk being so undeveloped in other areas that you become nothing but a sex toy, and everyone gets bored with toys eventually. People however are never boring!
Matthew Pike
11th April 2014 at 10:54 amDon’t look at it as a bad thing, you need to go through this stuff to truly know what is right in life. We’re all still learning.
Buckets & Spades
lily
13th April 2014 at 8:28 pmI knew I’d have to go through this kind of thing at some stage, and there’s definitely some personal development to be had from it! Thanks for the encouragement 😀
Alice Evans
11th April 2014 at 12:51 pmSending lots of love your way Lily! I hope you’re ok 🙂 x
http://theressomethingaboutalice.blogspot.co.uk/
PendleStitches
13th April 2014 at 2:22 pmBreakups suck whatever your age. This is something I know only too well. But I also know this too shall pass (even if it does sound horribly trite) and that the best is yet to come (another cliché I know, but very true).
You are awesome and surrounded by people who love you. Just remember to be kind to yourself for a bit.
Hugs
x
joseph takasugi
28th September 2014 at 8:18 pmIt amazes me that a young woman–and literally one of the most beautiful young women I’ve ever seen–could possibly think she isn’t “hot enough” for someone else. Good luck to him if he thinks he will find someone “hotter.” It’s almost a certainty he’ll never find someone as lovely and as intelligent. It’s hard to believe you’re only sixteen.
You’ll have no shortage of options… 🙂
Best to you in all your endeavors.
lily kate
30th September 2014 at 7:01 pmThat was the loveliest comment to read, thank you so much for being so kind! We’re on good terms, both our separate ways in life.
Thank you again, you really did just make my day!